I have totally come to hate Horrors of any size, shape or form, but, yet, I'm still fighting them, still hoping for that dang TB. I am beginning to wonder though, do they exist for me??? I haven't gotten one in a while now. I know they are there, just have to keep searching, I guess.

I must admit, I am getting discouraged by it all. It seems to be the same thing every day. I don't know if I'm getting discouraged or just tired of it all. But I really don't know what to do about it. Is there really anything I can do? I farm for marcs on end, help out when I am called on, try to be a mentor when I am able to do so. Maybe the guild ought to do something, ya know. Maybe we need to all get together and just have fun. That's what I would like to do. But seems everyone is busy, so I shall continue my farming and my helping, and see what happens. I know there is one thing I have been slacking on here lately and that's doing the Ambassador thing. I shall have to change that. That is totally not like me, to slack on my duties like that. Need to get my priorities back in line...........

All I can say is...YAY....I got to see him today. Even though it was only for a minute or two, it was great. I feel better now. Will feel completely better when we have the time to sit and talk. Hopefully that will happen here soon. We shall have to wait and see. I am just thankful for what ever time I can have with him, no matter how short it may be. It completely caught me off guard when I went to answer the birdies and I saw it was from him. But it was the best of feeling.

Ok, ok, I'm rambling now. Merry gave Cel a gift, wish I could have been there to see the look on her face when she got it. They are all so wonderful. I don't think I could have picked a better family than the Hammers. The way we all pull together when trouble arises. How we are there for each other when one of em has a problem and just needs someone to listen for a while. How I do love each and every one of them.....I just hope they know what they mean to me and that I will always be there for them.

Well, with some help from a friend, I was able to purchase a TB, but wouldn't you know it, an Elaborate Jeweled Necklace. I just sat there, staring at it, laughing. I eventually picked it up and gave it to him for his help. Now to just farm to pay him back. And hopefully while I am farming, I will be able to find that dang shard. Although, I am beginning to wonder if I will ever find one. All I can do is hope that I will find it eventually...........

I am getting so sick of the monotony of it all. Day in and day out, it's the same thing over and over again. Was it always like this? Or, is it that I am missing Spyne so much that nothing seems to please me anymore. I don't know what to do anymore to help ease this......emptiness, I feel without him around. There are some out there that have made me laugh, but, still it just isn't the same. I don't think anything will feel the same until I am able to look into his eyes. All I can do is hope that day comes sooner than later, and pray that he is well.........

What can I say, she's wonderful. Wish I could wrap her up, tuck her aways somewhere and only pull her out when I need to. She always has a way to make me laugh no matter how I am feeling at the time. She's really helped to keep me going right now. And to be able to turn to her about anything, that really helps also. I guess that's why she really is Magnificent.

I know, I know, better stop singing her praises before she sees this and her head swells **laughs softly**. I just hope she knows how much I truely appreciate her friendship. I love her dearly for who she is, no matter her faults. Isn't that what loving someone consists of? I wish I knew of some type of way to show her how much I truely do love her and appreciate her.

Cel, I know you are going to look (dang chanter), and I thank you for everything, hun. You are the best!!!!!!!

I must admit, I haven't been myself here of late. But what can you expect when I am missing him so much. Seems all I can think about is him. No matter what I am doing. I go to answer birdies, always hoping it's one from him, then get crest fallen when I realize it's not. I know he will be here as soon as he is able to do so, I know this with all my heart, and I understand his reasons for being away, but it doesn't help the missing of him any less painful. There are some out there that are trying to keep me occupied and laughing, and I thank them for it. But it's not going to replace the warmth of his embrace or the smile that reaches his eyes when we see each other. Nothing will ever be able to replace that. I try my best to keep moving forward, to keep up the farming and the helping of others, but it is so hard to do. But I will keep pushing forward, keep going, for when he does return, I do believe that will be one of my happiest days. I didn't think I would ever find someone to love me for who I am as much as he does, nor did I think that I could love anyone as much as I do him. All I can do is hope and pray he knows how deeply I do love him.............

Farming, farming, farming, oh yeah, did I mention, farming. Getting so tired of this. Don't think that shard is ever going to show it's face. I helped Az get his Pith Helmet, which was a little break in the monotomy of the farming. Don't feel like doing much of anything. But I keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep pushing forward. Hopefully one day soon that shard will show up. Until it does, I shall continue the farming. Hey, at least I'm getting some good plat while doing it

The party went well from what I could tell, last night. I tried my best to have fun, but my heart just wasn't in it. I was hoping he would have showed up, but I guess other things kept him away, which is fine, I understand. I miss him so much. Didn't know I could miss anyone this much. Hopefully I will be able to look into his eyes and be in his warm embrace here soon. All I've been wanting is to feel his arms around me. I must remember that he is still with me in my heart, and to keep pushing forward. I shall wait for his return, which can't happen anytime too soon.

Boredom, all I can say. Pure boredom. I see people around me having fun, cutting up, joking around. All I can do is smile at them. To see my close friends happy like this, does something to me. I love to hear their laughter. Puts a lightness in my heart. I'm finding myself observing more and more, like I use to, which is good. I am getting that part back, which I need. I really wish I knew how to become, how to say it, a better Roguess???? Am I pushing myself to much here? Just something else for me to think on.........

I know I'm suppose to be farming, but I just can't make myself do anything here lately. I have no clue what is wrong with me. Wait, I do know what is wrong. What they said to me, that hurt a lot. And to not be able to tell anyone how bad it hurt, or what was said, because a promise is a promise. Until I can figure out what to do about this, I don't think I will be able to concentrate on anything. If only.....oh bugger it. Looks like I am truly alone on this one, all because of a promise. How I wish at times I was like others and didn't take them so seriously, but alas, that is not my nature, never has been.

And to top it all off, I'm missing him. He has become so much a part of me now. So with the two of these things combined, how am I to go on like nothing is wrong? How can I be that happy go lucky girl everyone has come to know? I must figure it all out. And I know he will be here as soon as he is able to do so. Just miss looking into his eyes and seeing his smiling face, that's all............

Well, I acquired another ammy, got the violet full, took it to the forge, dang waste. Not what I was hoping for. So out I go again, back to N'rolav Caern and that platform, with those stinking horrors....And man, do they stink. Will be so glad when I get what it is I need. Until then, I will keep up the farming, and farming, and farming....AARRGGG...do you see the monotony to all this??? Because I sure do, and I am hating every minute of it. All I want is a couple of Shards. Is that really too much to ask for???

I do have the party to look forward to. That is a plus. I am getting excited about it. To see all the planning pay off. It's going to be wonderful.

((you see line after line blacked out in heavy ink))

Well, the planning for the party is pretty much done. Just waiting for the day to get the drinks. Farming away still, looking for that shard, hopefully it will come soon, we shall see.

Missing Spyne with each day that passes. But I know he will wake as soon as he can.

Cel is doing a good job with everything. All I can do is sit back and be there for me until she needs me. I just hope she knows I'm there for her always......

What a day. Farmed forever it seemed like, finally got a TB, a scepter. Felt bad for Spyne though, he was farming forever also. I will have to keep after it to get him one.

Bought a TB to help a friend. I was so shocked when I opened it and found an ammy. And the search began for WP's. Now I owe so many people some. But I will get them to them. The ammy was a glowing one. I fainted when I saw it. It was totally a shocker. I gave my other one to Merry, until she is able to find one for herself. Asked her to hand it down to people in the guild. Will have to keep track of it, wonder how far down it will go.

Well, it's done, the flyers handed out to everyone I know that was awake tonight. Hopefully all goes well. Everyone that's seen the flyer seems real excited about it all. All we can do now is sit back and wait......